Will he get the booty?
by sasha-potato
Summary: An erotic fanfiction involving Jean and his love for miss plate. I mean. Mikasa. booty.
1. plates and butts

_will he get the booty?_

Jean has had a crush on Mikasa for a long time. Eren is beginning to call Mikasa a plate, simply to piss off Jean. Jean is very pissed off. Mikasa is not a plate. Mikasa will never be a plate. Even if Mikasa was a plate, she would be a very pretty plate. And Jean would eat off her every day. If u kno what I mean. Winky face.

After sneaking some food with Sasha, because they're sneaky assholes, Jean hid in his room to do some things to his diddly doo. Very pleasing things. Hopefully with pictures of plates. Half naked plates. Hhahahahahah that was a joke Jean's just gonna sit there and cry about how he's been single for like ever.

After crying for like 5 hours, Jean decided it was time. It was time he got the booty. He really wanted the booty. The plate booty. The Mikasa booty. He really wanted that booty. He spent a long time setting up one big plan so he could get the booty. This involved a schedule where he wrote down what pickup lines he would use and when. After a month or two, he would aim for the booty.

Jean really wanted the booty. He wanted the booty in some pretty pants. Some pretty plate pants.

booty


	2. new day

_Enough about plates._  
_Nobody wants a plate booty. _  
_That was a joke. Jean does._

_Hecking horse man. Why would u want a plate booty. Plates and horses aren't meant to be. Like wow. They cant even frick frack._

**day 1**

Jean threw a pickup line at mikasa every time he saw her. She was this close to beating his ass. His pickup lines were really cheesy too. U aren't cool enough 2 get the booty yet, Jean.

"He y bby" Jean said

"omfg wha t the fuckie do u want" Mikasa sassed

"u wann have some hot choclety milk. It helps spiders with silky black hair sleep"

"r u cLALING ME A SPIDER"

Mikasa slapped him with a piece of bread that Sasha was prolly gonna eat. Heck u jean. You're too lame. You have to have SHADES and SWAG and all that stuff. If u dont then u cant get the booty.  
we kno u want the booty.


	3. day 2

_sweg_

It's the second day. Jean uses his cheesy pickup lines on Mikasa once again. But this time he has fuckin shADES LIK E WOW HOW SWAGGY.

"hey hot choclety milk. U want some sweg"

"no heck u"

"but hot choclety milk u need sweg because it helps spiders sleep"

"jEAN GO AWA Y"

Jean threw his shades on the ground like a little girl. Like no nip Steve. Haha no nip steve.

That night, Jean decided 2 do dirty things. U cant bring mud w/ u Jean other short pants man will be mad. Jean didnt bring mud w/ him. But he did do naughty things. And then he wrote down more pickup lines. He got a new pair of swaggy shades that he would wear tomorrow. He used his majestic horse pants man powers to become more swaggy. He was given a swaggy golden chain necklace that all the chicks love. Ur gonna make some ovaries explode, Jean.

or not

**author's note**  
**chapter three u guys. we've com E SO FAR. IM SO PROUD OF U GUYS. SO PROUD IN FACT, I'LL THROW A PARTY WITH DOG S AND HOT CHOCLETY MILK BUT THERE WONT BE ANY SPIDERS BECAUSE THE CHOCLETY MILK WI LL Make the spiders sleep and as those spiders sleep we'll eat potatoes and watch old disney movies and cry about anime and food and cospl ay an d ye**


	4. day 3

_its time for a new super swaggy day._

Jean got his shades and swag necklace on and swaggily walked up 2 Mikasa.

"h ey the r e chicken wing"

"um"

"u wann do 2 dinner sometime"

"lel n rly sloppy eater"

"what r u talking about im a rly swaggy eater"

"jean drop ur swag level and flirt with food girl or somethign jfc"

"ew no"

Mikasa walked away  
Heck u plate girl like wow.

Jean walked away, all sad that he couldnt get a swaggy girl 2 date his swaggy ass. He decided 2 drop the sweg level and become a hot and sexy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). He wont be missing an eyebrow but yeah. A hot and sexy deg deg.


	5. day 4

_leg egg deg deg_

It's time for Jean to become a hot and sexy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that isnt missing an eyebrow. He got his hot and sexy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ready and strolled up to Mikasa.

"( ͡~ʖ ͡°) hey there" he said  
"dont you ever make that face around me. ever" mikasa said  
"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) oh is it unattractive" jean asked  
"very"  
"diddle darn. I'm trying so hard to impress you"  
"you're trying too hard though. Try something else"

And so, Jean stayed up all night. He was very loud, however. Lots of moans and groans and "oh yeah!"s. Eren went to Jean's room to tell him to shut the fuck up and turns out Jean was just really happily churning butter. Wow.


	6. day 5

_whispers theres spoilers in this chapter_

dont churn butter like that

Jean decided to act normal around Mikasa today, just to see if she likes guys that act casual. They talked for a short amount of time before Mikasa started suggesting other ladies to talk to. Like Sasha or Petra or Marco, even though he's not a lady. Jean refused, complaining that Sasha does nothing but eat, Petra is too old and too dead, and that Marco is also FUCKING DEAD. Jean stomped away angrily to churn more butter.

As you can see, the fic author is trying very hard to write a long chapter. But that's prolly not gonna happen. But nobody cares about the author. Everyone just wants to know if Jean gets Mikasa's booty, and if not, whos booty. Lets proceed to find out.

While Jean was churning butter, he thought that dating a girl with nutella colored hair wouldn't be that bad. Shes kind of a pig but whatever. Jean still decided it would be better to go for Miss plate. He thought he could impress her with his swag and hot, sexy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but it just wouldn't happen. Amazing. I wonder why.


	7. final count down ((doot doot))

_t͂̏ͥ̒̂ͨ̽͟h̯̟͓̾̇̀̒̕e̴͙̪̲͔̯̙͊̅ ̫̲̍͠p̢͖̗i̓̒̅̆̚ẕ͎ͣ͑ͭz͇̬̘̙̤̍͗͠ͅa̱̞ͤͅͅ ̳̦͈͚̆͐ͪ̌͞i̲̟̞̮̯̰̮̾̋͂͊̾̈̿s͕̖̝͇ͅ ͍̫̗̓̅ͭă͏̙̘ĝ̦̰̮̩̮͚͑̈̇ͭg͖ͭ̈̎ͬ̂r͔̻̰̝̓̊ͦ̂ͥȩ͖̪̰͍͙̹͔̽̍s͉͛ͭ͒s̻̝̺̬̜̮i̩͕̟ͧ̐̂̽̉̅v̛ͥẽ̩̥̜͎͑̓́_

amazing. I cant believe it. This is the day where jean will simply ask Mikasa for the booty. Here we go.

Jean casually walked up to Mikasa. He stayed up all night churning butter for her. He was hot and ready like an a͎̬̫̹ͅg̳̉̎̎g̷̖̗͒ͦͮr͆́̓̅̇͒̑͏̠̩̖̣̺̠e̙̦̞̿́͊̓̈́͗ș̷̳̝̓̿̚s̓̿̀̏̎́ì̤v̭̠ͣ͗̒͒͗͞e͍̜̩̣͎̩ͧ̋ ͇̪̘̦̩ͨ̅̓ͫ͗̚pͬ̔҉̯͇͍iͮ̉̃ͫz̫͈̼ͦz̠̰̲̀̑̍ͬͫͦà̩̭̫̠͉̠ͦ̃̾́.

"hey mikasa"

"hello there, a͎̬̫̹ͅg̳̉̎̎g̷̖̗͒ͦͮr͆́̓̅̇͒̑͏̠̩̖̣̺̠e̙̦̞̿́͊̓̈́͗ș̷̳̝̓̿̚s̓̿̀̏̎́ì̤v̭̠ͣ͗̒͒͗͞e͍̜̩̣͎̩ͧ̋ ͇̪̘̦̩ͨ̅̓ͫ͗̚pͬ̔҉̯͇͍iͮ̉̃ͫz̫͈̼ͦz̠̰̲̀̑̍ͬͫͦà̩̭̫̠͉̠ͦ̃̾́"

"dont call me that"  
"whatever"  
"i have a vERy important question 2 ask you" jean said nervously.  
"really now"  
"yes"  
"what is the question"

there was a very awkward silence.

"may i have the booty" he asked

there was another awkward silence

"no"

_"will he get the booty?"_

_no_

Author's note

_I meant to spend a lot more time on this fic but i was too lazy. I had the idea in my head for a really long amount of time and thought it would be funny. I hope you all enjoyed, and now that you have read this, please watch the following video. that was a joke. dont. unless you really want to _

_ watch?v=LB871SVYMhI_


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